Yay for Polls, Yay for Threads, Yay for...Oh God, Maybe I Shouldn't Have Posted That

Money Shot's Perfect Democracy
Well I'll be damned! The Stevens vs. JTP poll went exactly how I hoped it would; a lot of people voted, and the final tally was razor-thin. Polls like this are tough to conduct because of the fear that one league's members will just spam the vote to give a ridiculous margin of victory to a particular character.

I conducted the poll because I feel that JTP and Stevens are the two best in FW right now, and it's a match we'll probably never get to see due to the rarity of inter-fed matches. Maybe EPW and NFW could book the match eventually with a godbook finish that is agreed upon by all parties involved. Honestly, I could give a fuck who wins, I'd just like to see that thread and let people decide for themselves who won. Which brings me to my next topic...

What the Hell Does "Best Match" Mean Anyway?
Commonplace to FW is the post-card feedback thread, where everybody replies accordingly and usually include what they felt was the "Best Match." Now I'm all for building the matchwriter's ego (Keep those Torch review compliments coming, Leary), but what about the handlers who RPed? LOL, I know, sorry, handlers RPing...HA!...oxymoron...how silly of me...

(Fans BOO and pelt me with garbage)

What?? I'm still a heel blogger, come on now...

Ahem...

Ok, so back to my point. What was my point? Right, threads. To me, the card is simply the icing on the cake. As cool as it is to read a well-written match, it just doesn't compare to an all out RP war between two talented handlers.

Back when I started RPing 12 years ago (God...kill me now), one of the first leagues I handled in was UWA (now known as NFW, sorta). The league was ultra-competitive and chockfull of all the best handlers at the time. Manson, Southern, and Anarky pretty much got their start there; Katz debuted Miles there (I think);Troy Windham came to prominence in UWA, and Schmid, Stanton, Jamar N, Kobylarz, and a bunch of other guys were doing their thing with original characters as well. Most of us were teenagers or in our early twenties, so we had all the time in the world to just RP whenever. The RP threads, especially in the main event and US title picture, were off the wall batshit CRAZY. I'm talking pages and pages and pages of RP, consistently up until the deadline. If anything, the amount of quantity was probably on the excessive side, but the quality was top notch. RPing in that league forced me to get better, 'cause you'd fall off the radar if you didn't. Anyway, those threads were some of the best of all time, to say nothing of all the other superb threads going on in other leagues at the time. Reading the back and forth replies was really fun, and was a big part of why I continued with this deranged hobby of ours.

Recently, Impulse has been putting on an RP clinic in TEAM; the EPW main event featured a thread that hit over 20 replies involving The First, Stevens, Cameron Cruise, and Copycat; and I also have to thank Ryan Aston, Barry Clarke, and Pete Russo for RPing their asses off against me recently in some top-notch threads. My free-time hates you all.

I'd like to see more OORP post-card commentary on what the best threads were, not simply the best written match. If anything, it's just as important for league members to check out others' RP as it is for them to read the matches. I can't tell you how many times I've been involved with or have seen threads where one character displays a total ignorance and/or misunderstanding of their opponent. "Fucking Kooter Cruise ripping off Cameron Cruise and shit." YEAH BUDDY... Or how about my personal favorite: "Hey Problem Child...don't you realize you're a complete ripoff of a bad John Ritter movie?" Goddamn it, it says right there in his bio that he ripped his name from the movie! Although this offense is entirely forgiveable due to PC's long absence from FW...but still, read a goddamn bio every once in a while before replying to somebody, it might save you a bit of embarrassment!

Skimming Ain't Just For Milk
I also love when my opponent clearly skims my RP, yet tries one-upping me on the very shit that he obviously skimmed. Fuckin' hell, I ain't writing this shit for my own amusement. OK fine, I am, but still...it'd be nice if somebody read one of the 3,000 goddamn RPs I've done. Come on people, have some respect for the thousands of FWers who came before us that were denied entry into many a woman due to their love of the hobby.

Fantasy Wrestling has produced more virgins than a Muslim car-bombing. WHOA, HEY NOW!

OK, I Have a Bone to Pick
Ten years ago, I was in some league called WWWA run by God knows who, and I had a match involving one of my characters and another guy RP'd by someone else. I won't say his name, but I can tell you it does rhyme with Ron Gatz.

And Ron Gatz's character beat mine.

So all I have to say is...FUCK YOU RON GATZ! Piece of shit that you are...I PUT MY SOUL INTO THAT RP! MY SOUL!

I know you had that shit godbooked, ADMIT IT! TELL ME THE TRUTH! All my friends said my RP is awesome, so HOW COULD I LOSE?????? FUCK man, I hate life. Next person who beats me in something is getting kicked in the balls. I don't care if you beat me in FW, checkers, twister, or sports trivia. I will MAIME (sp?) YOU! MAME (sp?) YOU! MAIM (sp?) YOU! Fucking how DARE people beat me at stuff. I have a soul, but obviously no one who ever booked me has one. I fucking saved people from burning buildings on 9/11, what the shit have you ever done Ron Gatz? Eat Fritos and sit on your cat and beat me at stuff???? Let's see...saving humanity or beating me 10 years ago? Which do you think is cooler???? Oh that's right, beating me 10 years ago due to cheating cause YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A SOUL!!!!!!

Ok, Ron, I'm calm now. So here's what I'm gonna do... I wasn't even going to bring this up, but since I hate you, I will. The other day I forced my grandma to read my RPs off my laptop, and she admitted that I'm better than you. Now keep in mind, my grandma knows nothing about FW, so she's totally unbiased. Explain that one Ron, do it! DO IT! Tell me why you beat me even though it was godbooked and you cheated!!!

::whispers:: My soul, Ron. My soul.