That's Right Katz, I'm Calling You Out!
Can you believe this guy? He's ducking me in Halo 3. Claims he doesn't play it anymore. Come on man, I know you're feeling strong after winning my GOAT poll...COME GET YOUR SHOT AT THE TITLE! Alright fine, I admit, I'm just looking for an excuse to harrass him via XBox Live headset. Oh well, there's always Lindsay, Stalker, and the dude who RPs Westcott. People really should refrain from giving me any kind of personal information... Well played Katz, well played.
Biff Busey Memorial Crapulence Awards
In honor of our fallen friend Biff Busey, I'm encouraging you guys to nominate your FW "Worst Of" right here on my blog. Based on your categories and votes, I'll tally up the winners. The Buseys are totally user generated, nothing forced upon you by me, so I take none of the blame for who wins. I'd give you guys some categories, except I don't quite have the sack for it. Plus I'd appreciate if Chad would hold off on my inevitable ban until after some of my characters' storylines have been tied up. Here, I'll nominate myself for a few: Worst FW Personality, Me; Worst FW Character, Terence; Cameron Cruise Award for Most Pitiful In-RP T-Shirt, Cameron Cruise for his "No Ma'am" shirt (Sorry Siegel, you know I had to!); Worst Blog Post Ever, My TEAM thrashing. So there ya go...Now let's hand out some BUSEYS!
Leaving My Job
That's right, I'm leaving my job as a GOP analyst for the New York State Assembly (yes, you heard right, I'm GOP 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 LIFE!) to go back to school and get my Master's in Public Policy. No, I'm lying, it's so I can concentrate on FW full-time. No, lying again, it's for the Master's. Or is it? Muhahahahahaha. All I've gotta say is, I can't wait to be unemployed this summer! First time in a long time too. I can just sit around, playing video games, sleeping till 2pm, going to the beach, and generally being a useless lazy fuck. Yep, unemployment kicks ass...until you run out of money. Then it's not so fun. Man, my friend Chris has it good, I tell ya. You know what he does for a living? Works for a publication called the Sex Herald. This guy used to be my A&E Editor when I ran the college newspaper, and was a hell of a talent. Now he gets paid to review porno DVDs and check out swinger and S&M clubs. Essentially, he gets paid to jerk off: every man's dream job. Fucker has health benefits too, the piece of shit. How in God's name did he swing this? The only thing more absurd would be getting paid to play FW, and don't think I forgot about your $3 Ice Tre!
Yo Nova!
Dude, I'm RPing a Castor lackey in NFW who plays Nova at children's birthday parties on the weekends. You have to promise me that when/if Nova comes back, his first order of business will be to brutally beat on Castor's lackey. Like, to the point of death.
No Use For Heel Announcers
I recently decided: I just don't care for heel color commentators. I know, it's a staple of wrestling, everybody needs one, but I'm starting to think it's just lame. Announcers exist for one reason: to put over the in-ring talent, right? More often than not, the heel color man is just cracking jokes to put himself over. I mean yeah, it's funny, but who the fuck really cares? Don't get me wrong, there are some GREAT heel announcers (talking about real wrestling here, but there are some great ones in FW too. See: Lamont Hollywood). But I just feel that having one announcer act deliberately heel limits the way in which talent can be put over. Here's how I'd do it:
The face announcer is an over-excited company shill who fucking LOVES every card. I mean, every card is better than the last, which makes every card the BEST EVER. Not only that, but he's overtly FACE. Yeah yeah, most PBP men are face, but not really. They defend the faces, but they are more or less down the middle kinda guys who don't like when heels pull dirty bullshit. They defend faces only when they have to. My face PBP man would much like the heel color guy is, but for the faces. He has his own bias as to what constitutes sportsmanship and respect for the business, and he marks out big time for the talent that lives up to this.
The color commentator, on the other hand, is level-headed. He doesn't care about face/heel, respect/disrespect, the only thing that matters to him is whether or not the wrestler has wisely advanced his agenda, be it a face or a heel. Sometimes faces do stupid things simply to fulfill some sense of honor or truth, and to my color commentator this would be unacceptable. At the same time, heels aren't always so Machiavellian, and often do dumb things themselves. They would get called out for misplays as well. The biggest difference though, between my color commentator and others, would be he'd be Joe Rogan-esque (for those who watch UFC) in his ability to put both talents over. When talking up a face: "The guy's just been unstoppable, everybody's looking to screw him, but give him credit: no amount of bullshit has prevented him from winning." When talking up a heel: "Dude, this guy is BAD-ASS. You may not like him, you may not respect him- YOU DON'T HAVE TO. He's got the title for a reason, and it's cause he's putting people away." His job, simply, is to talk both guys up. He would never say talk bad about someone unless they made a tactical error, and he would ALWAYS put them over prior to matches. When the face PBP man gets super upset over a screwjob or some heel tactic, my color commentator would defend the tactics as smart. Not because he's a heel, but because he's just a common sense color commentator. Again, use Joe Rogan as my model if you've ever watched a UFC broadcast.
In essence, my color commentator would probably be a relatively young smark, probably a blogger or something, who knows a shitload about the business and just wants to put over the talent. Not some fucking amateur hour wannabe comedian who only seeks to put his own bad jokes over. I just question the need for the typical two-man booth including a level-headed PBP guy and a cheesy comedian heel guy. Anyway, that's my serious thought of the day.
Wrestlemania was awful
-
I know it's typical to over-react right after something's just happened,
but man Wrestlemania sucked. Some of the in-ring action was fine, but the
booking ...
15 years ago
Sammy Benson of the CSWA is still the greatest color commentator in the history of this game. He gets over people he likes and bashes people he doesn't like.
ReplyDeleteIf I remember right (and I could just go look it up but I has the lazy) he continued to bury Hornet when he went heel in 1999, only adding his admiration when Hornet beat on the babyfaces that annoyed him.
When Eddy and Troy went babyface to combat the Claimstakers, he continued his love of Eddy and Troy.
In the last few years, Merritt and I have refined Sammy and Ivy to a brother/sister love/hate type relationship, and it's fun to write. I hope it was fun to read, too.
-pete
That sounds pretty cool, and different. Admittedly, I didn't read a lot of CSWA over the years since I was never really a member, so I definitely overlooked Sammy. But I like that, because it's not the typical face/heel commentator bullshit. Well done, Mr. Benson.
ReplyDeleteSammy Benson has nothing on Lamont Hollywood in terms of heelness, class, entertainment value or color commentary and I will argue this to the death.
ReplyDeleteI had another 2 paragraphs typed out explaining why, but the off-chance Merritt or Thomas reads it...I don't want to see what would happen to Randalls at Fish Fund when they post it in 2012...and yes, I expect it to be on the final date of the Mayan Calendar.
I will also look forward to plasma grenading Mr. BFF in the face, even if he's on my team in slayer.
-MUSTdie
Hey hey, I gave Hollywood his props! When written properly, he's the best FW heel commentator there is. Admittedly, I'm not too great at writing him. Like I said, I'd rather not have a heel color guy at all, and just do the hip insider guy instead. This portion of the blog was just to illustrate how I don't believe feds (real or FW) should feel constrained to this face/heel PBP/color commentator format.
ReplyDeleteAs for Halo 3, it can even be a tag team affair. You and someone of your choosing vs. Me and the typical racist/homophobic 14 year old one finds on XBox. CAN YOU HANDLE THAT????!!!!!
Billy, I'd whack your lackey any day.
ReplyDelete...
Shit, lemme rephrase that.
...
Nah, actually we're good.
If Damien Priest doesn't win a Busey of some sort, I'm calling shenanigans. SHENANIGANS~!
ReplyDeleteIf Priest does win, NFW will not only donate the head in the jar he used during his two-week stay. We'll also reveal who's head that is!
ReplyDelete--MUSTdie
Since you named your awards after my character, I'm going to refrain from nominating since my wrestler nominations will most likely piss off some people.
ReplyDelete-Varga-
P.S. There is worse crap than Biff in EW.
Speaking of the Mayan Calendar, I think those guys working on the Large Hardon Collider should schedule their first major test on the same date as the Mayan Calendar runs out...That would freak everyone out.
ReplyDeleteI liked this post. Except the part about the GOP. For that, you can eat it. :)
ReplyDelete-JL
Varga, don't be shy now.
ReplyDeleteI still don't get after everything you saw in NFW...this is why you left us, but I guess you can answer that privately one day if you want.
My first nomination for the Biff Busey award is Tom Siegel.
...what? He's gotta be a piece of fiction!
--MUSTdie
Halo is teh Ghey~~!
ReplyDeleteAnd I second the Priest motion.
Katz, I answered it in a comment on his last blog. He didn't ask permission from me to do ANY of that stuff. No PMs, no IM's, no e-mails. All I saw on here was "My character is going to burn yours with a flamethrower" two days before the show goes up and then, sure enough, it happens. If I would've been told ahead of time by somebody that my characters would be going through the Star Wars, Episode III immolation scene then I wouldn't have been so pissed about it.
ReplyDeleteAs for my nominations, first is FutureEQUIS who is basically a Joe the Plumber rip off. Next is Unicorn Mask, who is a luchadore Great Khali. And that's all I got for now.
-Varga-
I burned Nova's scalp off with no permission.
ReplyDeleteI've blown up War Games cages with the participants with no permission.
Joey Melton was teabagged with permission.
Its a strange world in NFW.
Hey Varga, perhaps this thread will jog your memory: http://fwrestling.com/fwc/showthread.php?t=19480
ReplyDeleteFor your convenience, I'll even quote it here. I said, "By the way, do you wanna do an angle in NFW where Biff Busey gets set fire to?"
You replied, "Cool with me..."
Not that any of this matters, cause I would have fucking done it anyway. But still...I was a nice enough guy to have asked you in the first place. Keep in mind, this is NFW. You know how much crazy shit has happened to people's characters, and it didn't hurt them for the next card? I totally gave Biff Busey a million and one reasons to respond to Castor at a following card, or whatever...I don't see anybody else even remotely giving a shit about any of your characters, or doing pre-match segments with them, do you? I could have just written the match as a squash and saved myself the extra hour it took me to write, but I wanted to make this entertaining for us. Next time I'll just have you eat a finisher 2 minutes in and call it a day, cool?
Now stop lying on my blog about not giving me permission, before I get the hose and spray you...
Doc Curiosity took the head of cylonic Rook Black to the face after wrestling for god knows how long.
ReplyDeleteI literally had mines exploding on Scott Riktor and Alias.
The above was WITHOUT permission.
Donaven Winters allowed Troy Windham to piss son him WITH permission.
It's a strange world in NFW.
So you think that "permission" is correct but not telling me what show it was happening on, how it was going down, and about non-Biff characters getting burned too is cool? I think not. You have to keep the other person, in this case ME, informed about what is going on. You don't just go and do it on your own without talking to the other person. You're just using that an as excuse for creating your "CRAPULENCE" awards IMO. This is the first time ever that someone that was doing an "angle" with me didn't tell me about it or tell me what was going down. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Easter's not until next April so I can't do anything with zombies. Stuff like this is why hate doing angles with people.
ReplyDelete-Varga-
Y'know Varga...considering the riot your characters started with AXEL in a different segment, if we were all to take this seriously:
ReplyDeleteThere's a good chance that NFW would've faced criminal charges and had to shut down operations for putting their fans' safety in that much jeopardy. I can't even imagine the actual lawsuits that would have happened.
However, considering the types of writers I've had in NFW...I've decided that the easiest thing to do in NFW is ignore the "reality" of certain situations and just figure out how to move on like nothing really happened.
So, what are you supposed to do?
I don't know. Biff Busey has flame retardant skin and cannot be scarred by anything, but the flames of Mordor. Than we can bring in Zombie Frodos to chew off Castor's ankles. Then, we all wake up and its just a dream.
I don't think that'd be any crazier than a guy in a spiked Koopa Shell trying to stab people in the chest with rolling sentons.
-MUSTdie
"...first is FutureEQUIS who is basically a Joe the Plumber rip off"
ReplyDeleteUm...one is a common man plumber who goes "UGHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!", the other is a guy who claims to be from 10 years in the future, claiming to be the future self of his tag team partner, even though they're different heights, weights, hair color, etc...Yeah, that's quite the ripoff of Joe.
And Futurequis doesn't use the word "cunt" nearly enough. LOL
Varga, maybe if you didn't RP these fucking retarded ass movie characters, I would've thought twice about burning your stable alive. You rip off TV characters and RP them. Somehow we're supposed to believe that Mark Paul Gosselar, Tiffany Amber-Thiesen, and Dustin Diamond have agreed to join NFW as their TV-personalities in order to manage Biff Busey, but Castor burning them with a blowtorch is just not feasible? Who do you think you are, Jimmy Fallon?
ReplyDeleteI mean yeah, Castor Strife was interviewed by Katie Couric, and he might go on Oprah soon, but it's not like she's now my in-RP manager or something. This is FANTASY wrestling...come up with something original, goddamn you. Don't be like that retarded kid who I feel bad for and am generally nice to, but once in a while have to punch in the face due to my secret hatred for retardation.
BTW, FutureEquis? TOTALLY not a JTP rip off...they're not even in the same galaxy. Try reading someone's RPs before criticizing them.
I don't see how remarking about someone's writing ability has anything to do with the tenets of "realism" within the RP.
ReplyDeleteFrom my vantage point, it was an actress portraying Katie Couric in the Castor RP's. CGI handled the latest Biff Busey match as well as all of NFW Season 2. ;)
I think Varga's deciding to take a road out of anger and remarking that FUTUREQuis has any remote "rip-off" qualities to JTP is just a blind shot from that emotion. I'd rather not everyone jump on Varga's writing style in response, but maybe point out the accents, the settings and the fact that FUTUREQuis is trying to take his job seriously in-character and hates retards.
To me, it seems that Varga was looking for things that weren't there to get riled up in a reaction. After everything else he's seen in the fed, had happen in the fed and written for the fed...it's the simplest explanation to me.
So yeah, don't feed the Varga. And pray to Unicorn Mask's horn.
or die.
--MUSTdie
I didn't say one thing about his writing ability. Generally speaking, I think everybody in FW is a good writer; you pretty much have to be. But I just have to laugh that he's getting pissed at me because my character burned Screech and Kelly, and then goes on to call someone else's character a rip-off when last time I checked, he RPs the dude from Back to the Future.
ReplyDeleteWhatever...Varga, I think you're a good writer who likes to RP people straight from movies and Super Mario Bros. games. I think you have a great sense of FW humor, but wish you didn't explode into a rage when I simply exhibited some of my humor using both our characters.
And no, Jon, that was the real Katie Couric interviewing Castor. Why wouldn't the CBS Evning News want to do a special on him? :-)
Sorry I misunderstood "retarded ass movie characters," which you're correct in saying wasn't his writing ability...but others in the past.
ReplyDelete--MUSTdie