Roleplay Standards, Effort, and PATHETIC Hobbies!

Looking back on some of my previous posts, I've realized that much of my writing has been dedicated to jerking off my favorite characters. When I'm not doing that, I'm belittling others for their choice of favorites.

This calls for some explanation, damn it! What are these standards by which I judge others? More importantly: who really gives a fuck? Well, I'm not going to answer that last question in fear of the answer I will inevitably receive ("no one"). Out of sheer boredom, though, plus the fact I'm leaving my job at the end of the month and thus no longer give a shit, I'll take this moment to reflect on my own RP standards for a character.

By the way, I'm not really breaking new ground here. Stanton already did this on his blog: http://thelifelessone.blogspot.com/. He wrote up some great material on effort and the ability to stay in character, which I'll try to get into here without simply rehashing what was more eloquently described elsewhere. There are other factors, though, and for whatever it's worth I'll go into them to provide some insight on just what the hell I consider to be quality.

Before anything is judged, the context of the thread must be considered. Is this a TEAM match where it's strictly based on RP? Or are am I a league President who must not only consider RP but angles, future booking, league context, character evolution, etc. If I'm judging Ravager vs. Impulse in TEAM, I go into it knowing I've never read Ravager before so I don't really care if he hasn't evolved since 1996 or some shit. To be fair though, I wouldn't hold Impulse to any greater standard just because I'm familiar with him. The match is a one shot deal and should be treated as such.

Assuming the match is 100% RP based, I think it's important that a judge set aside his/her bias as to what types of characters they find most entertaining, as much as possible. For example, I myself enjoy off the wall comedic RPs. I've always been a huge Troy Windham mark, I thought Michael Manson was hysterical with some of the shit he'd do, and my own material has been somewhere five miles of fucking bonkers. But if I'm set to judge Eli Flair vs. SARS the Clown, I can't just give the match to SARS because every time Eli makes a good and serious point SARS retorts by abducting Eli's kid sister and forcing her to partake in a Rainbow Party. Yeah, I'd piss my pants laughing, but it wouldn't be fair to Eli's handler that I judged against him based on something he could never pull off without totally abandoning his character's persona. This is why, as much as I love RP comedy, I tip my hat to all the handlers of serious characters because it's incredibly hard to RP against someone who can respond with wacky humor.

I finally got to see through the alternative perspective when I faced Shawn Hart with Layne Winters in EPW. For the first time in my FW experience, I couldn't attempt to one-up somebody's slapstick humor; I had to take it and respond seriously, and let me tell you it was hard! Add to this the fact that Hart is also a pretty well rounded character who can argue on TOP of the gold comedy, and you can see why Layne was vanquished. It was a good opportunity for me to learn how to respond to comedy effectively. Thank GOD 90% of my characters are fucking batshit insane!

Here's another tough question: how do you determine when one character has "jumped" another (a checkerboard reference to one-upping)? The most basic instinct is to give it to the one who "won the argument." While this is usually a good indicator of who won the match, it's not the only one. I'm just not sure that RP threads should be looked at purely as the fantasy extension of marriage counsel bickering.

One reason I think Troy Windham is such a brilliant character is that Gregg doesn't let him get sucked into the argument trap. Make people reply to YOU, not the other way around (this is one reason why it's important to fire off the first RP). Don't feel like you have to answer every solitary critique your opponent has of you. It's boring, and unnecessary, and it often leads to characters citing a million different accomplishments from other leagues which most might not be familiar with, which to me is automatic grounds for losing half the time.

Did Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair go into the specifics of title runs and feuds they had in NWA and WWF back in the 80's when they cut promos against each other in 1990's WCW? For the most part no, and neither should you. TEAM might be a different story since it's supposed to be a tournament made up of other league's representatives, so it's a tad more appropriate, but there's definitely a threshold for it. Bottom line: if the best RPer was always the best debater, then you could pluck the captain from any college forensics team and make them NFW/CSWA/EPW/LVW champion within a year.

I might bait someone into an argument if I know I can beat them there, but if I'm against a Doc Silver or a Dan Ryan or a Craig Miles, it would be wise for me not to play to their strength and instead choose an alternate means of topping them.

Reading comprehension is also key. I know we have some law school graduates/students on the forums who have probably been trained to be sticklers for this. If one character is obviously misinterpreting another's analogy, or failing to acknowledge sarcasm, or anything of that nature, this should be recognized and penalized. Whenever I see this, I feel like responding out of kayfabe like "Did you READ what the fuck he wrote?"

Here's another pet peeve of mine: incessant Shooting. Why is it that NOBODY can ever sell another person's gimmick? If someone from old-school WWF cut a promo on Goldust saying "Yeah, Dusty Rhodes' son dressed up like a tranny- THAT'LL GET OVER!" Vince would fucking fire that person in 2.5 seconds. The most recent example of this in FW is the insistence on referring to The First as "Brian," as Stanton so foolishly included his character's full real name in his bio (You see what you've reaped???!!!! Don't give these fuckers any ammo!). It went from being an isolated point of reference between The First and Sean Stevens to a ready-made quip for responding to The First. To me, there is nothing more ridiculous than one character using another's first name as proof positive he is faking a persona. My reply would be: "YO- Asshole! This is professional fucking wrestling; our very livelihood is based on having a false persona. Now if you wouldn't mind, could we go back to kayfabe please? Thanks for your understanding!" Sorry, that's just how I roll.

This also applies in reverse: do not "no sell" your own gimmick to make another character look stupid. Chris Daniels is a quality RPer, but the shit he pulled with Doc was hilarious. "Oh, you tried calling me out on being a mass murderer? You wanna know where all the bodies are? Hmm hmm, little do you know my internet bio was a PLOY and I am really a level-headed and reasonable wisecracker who knows how to control his own emotions! Whatcha gotta say now, DOC?" Perhaps Doc himself was a bit guilt of no-selling in the first place, but this guy's bio was so far into the tall grass that expecting anybody to sell that would be idiotic in the first place. Selling an emo/goth gimmick is one thing; selling a mass murderer who happens to be cutting promos bragging about the kills in public is another. There needs to be SOME sort of limit here, people.

Here's another measuring stick to determine the real writers from the shit writers: the ability to speak with different voices. Why do all your characters sound the same? Why is it that when I read your RPs, I feel like I'm reading one of your IM convo arguments? I've always been into creative writing; short stories, novellas, poems, etc. One thing you learn from being critiqued by others is the necessity to have your different characters sound like individuals and not carbon copies of the same persona. A person is a graduate from the English Lit program at Cornell, so all their characters sound like and have the vocabulary of a Cornell English Lit program graduate. Why would this be the case? Does everyone you know sound or act just like you? Transfer this basic premise to this little niche hobby of ours, and it'll help your writing here as well (for all it's worth: nothing).

If you RP two characters: one is a former collegiate wrestler turned night club bouncer, the other is a masochistic BME Pain Olympics silver medalist with a piss fetish and webbed toes...the two should sound NOTHING ALIKE! One enjoys beating up teenagers using fake IDs, the other likes the feeling he gets from having his testicles stomped by women in high heels; they are not one in the same! Do not make them both sound like you when you're bickering with your girlfriend on AIM! Nobody cares!

Overall, when I'm reading a thread it just comes down to who I think did the better job, based on some of the factors listed above. If you've read enough RP, and you can easily get a sense of who is bringing their best and who isn't. As far as quantity goes, it is not superior to quality but it is important nonetheless! If somebody thinks they are so good that they can cash in one measly RP and expect to win, then fuck them 'cause they don't deserve it. As a league President, I would never put up with Champions no-showing and pulling shit like that. If you want to win in this hobby, you should be willing to put in the work.

People may scoff and say "It's just a stupid hobby, why are you putting so much thought into this?" Well, firstly, I'm a thoughtful kinda guy; I put more thought into what porn I'm gonna jag to than I do with fantasy wrestling. It's true, fantasy wrestling is one of the silliest hobbies out there, but it's also pretty fun. So if you like something, why not put in the effort to be good at it? Why are we the only hobby that belittles itself for effort? To me, playing Street Fighter IV arcade tournaments is a much less worthwhile hobby than is fantasy wrestling, yet I know people who spend hours per day learning each character's framerate inputs and whatnot just so they can make 5th place at some Evo tournament qualifier.

There's nothing wrong with people getting into disputes over this stuff, because it means they care enough in the first place. Take a trip out to Cali for QuakeCon sometime and check out how serious some of those pointdexters are when it comes to Quake III Arena. Trust me, it's pretty fucking intense. And in my opinion, it takes a lot more skill and effort to be good at FW than Quake or Street Fighter.

You NERD!
Oh fuck, I've just completely outed myself as the person with the least cool hobbies in FW, haven't I? Shyyit. Come on, I play ice hockey and I grapple, doesn't that score me some coolness points? Alright, fine, I haven't played hockey in a few years, deduct me something. My girlfriend says to me a few weeks ago, "Wow, I never realized how much time you spend online!" Yeah, well, between working at a computer all day, playing FW, being a forum leader on an MMA website, and discussing the best strategies for playing SFIV/Virtua Fighter characters, I'd say I'm lucky any woman actually wanted to date me in the first place. Now if a guy found a girl with all those hobbies, they'd fucking propose to her on the spot- ON THE SPOT! For guys, no such luck. Women expect us to be running marathons, chopping down trees with axes, working at high-powered office jobs, and only thinking of them when we masturbate. Fuck all that horseshit, who has time for it anyway?