Show Me the Money!

Imagine if...
...we actually got paid to RP? EPW signing handlers to exclusivity contracts, NFW trying to lure them away with lucrative offers, etc. If you no-show, your family fucking STARVES! Ouch, bet we'd see some massive threads then. Sponsors start getting involved, Sean Stevens gets signed by Vitamin Water (they already have a drink called 'XXX' so why not?); Joe The Plumber signs with Arm & Hammer or the company that makes the blue stuff that cleans your toilet. Some crazy Prez fucks up the market balance by signing a midcarder to an insane contract, which in turn leads to the main eventers demanding twice what they're worth (see: NHL's Buffalo Sabres match Edmonton Oilers offer sheet to Thomas Vanek, and/or NY Rangers sign Wade Redden for $6 million).

Of course, this could very well become reality, but it's up to one man...

Chad Merritt! (sp?) Seriously, I heard Chad has a good job, so I'm pretty sure he could swing this. Pay some screen writers to help you out with the CSWA cards on a consistent basis (or just pay Steve), establish a salary cap, and start paying these lazy assclowns to do some RPing! EPW, LVW, WFW: NE, and NFW shall also benefit from revenue sharing agreements, which CSWA will naturally be happy to sign. NFW's entire roster fails the inaugural FW drug tests; EPW starts running propaganda on how the NFW legacy shall be forever tainted. Cameron Cruise becomes EPW World Heavyweight Champion, gets a huge contract, vacates the title when handlers go on strike for larger contracts...Cruise crosses the line after EPW offers him even bigger money; fucking scab! TEAM starts raking in the cash, sues this blog for defamation of character...

On a serious note, I have actually contemplated starting an FW league where I pay handlers $5 for every two RPs they write. Literally, I'd snail mail people five dollar bills every week. Inevitably, the league would prosper or fail based on how hard up the FWC handlers are for five bucks, but I think my chances of success are good. It might get a little tedious having to fed ex Ice Tre a five-spot every time he pumps out a couple RPs, but such is the burden of running Five Dollar Wrestling (FDW).

Sexist Rant of the Day
Pantsuits should be illegal. Why must the two hottest women in my office insist on wearing pantsuits? What a waste. Show a little leg, goddamn it; the fuck you think we hired you for? Just one more Hillary Clinton contribution to society for which we can all be thankful. I only mention this because as I was logged onto the forums before, the hottest girl at work just NEARLY caught me reading an NFW thread. Holy fuck did I minimize that window faster than a jackrabbit! OK back to fantasy wrestling...

Match Threads I'd Love to See By Year's End
In between kicking TEAM in the balls, sexually harrassing females, and writing fantasy novels involving Jon Katz's plot for world domination, this blog is actually good for serious FW talk once in a long while. Here are some match threads which for my FW contract money would be entertaining as hell, and would love to see this year. Some might be doable, others not so much, but here goes:

"Triple X" Sean Stevens (EPW Champion) vs. Joe The Plumber (NFW Champion)

Doc Silver vs. Dan Ryan (I am going to predict this shit-talk match of the century happens in the TEAM bracket this year)

Nova vs. Troy Windham vs. Dan Ryan (c) for the CSWA Unified Title

Impulse vs. Ice Tre (Two polar opposite characters, the dichotomy would be captivating)

Problem Child vs. Hornet in A1E, Winning handler gets control of the forums for life! Sorry Chadwick, but this one needs to be in A1E so I could vote rig to have a shot at victory.

Leaving work now, maybe I'll add more later...