This Just In: TEAM Judge Explains Himself!

What, you think I'm the type of guy who holds people to one standard while living by another? Fuck that, man, I abide by my own advice at least 30% of the time, and here in fantasy wrestling land it's no different. I'm about to do what no TEAM judge thus far had the cojones to do, and that's reveal my votes. No only that, but I'll also provide the reasoning behind them.

Does the world become a better place? Does one more whale get saved? Does one less sheep get molested as a result of this honest gesture? No. However...it does give you something to read at work in between pretending to be busy and day dreaming about that pussy you're NEVER GOING TO GET. You know, the chick who works one cubicle over? Yeah, she's way out of your league and if she EVER and I mean EVER finds out that you RP a fake wrestler, she won't even take her lunch hour the same time as you. Now stop thinking about her and get back to reading my shit.

Being a Good TEAMster
Alright, I told Shinder I'd stop bitching about drooling retard judges and put my money where my mouth is. I was assigned judging duty on two matches: Doc Silver vs. Duke Williams and Dan Ryan vs. Larry Tact. Here's how everything went down:

Doc vs. Duke- My vote went to Doc Silver. Right off the bat, I'm gonna admit that Mike Stanton (Doc's handler) and I have become pretty good friends, so take that for what you will. Maybe the bias comes into play during a close match, who knows? I don't pretend that there's such a thing as 100% unbias and you shouldn't either. With that said, this thread was pretty clear cut in favor of Doc. If anybody voted for Duke, they should be ashamed of themselves. Mike fired off three consecutive RPs with Doc, all solid. When Duke finally got around to blessing the thread with his presence, it was in the form of a post-card and literally one line of RP. Then he went on and illegally stacked with an RP that really had nothing to do with anything. Pathetic showing; I consider it on par with a no-show. Makes me wonder how the fuck this guy even got as far in the tourney. Easy win for Doc, easy decision for me.

Dan Ryan vs. Larry Tact-My vote went to Dan Ryan. To their credit, both handlers really brought their A game, and proved they absolutely deserved to be there. Brunk (Ryan's handler) started off with a pretty funny RP where Ryan wakes up not knowing what year it is, working everything full circle to a promo on Tact. There wasn't a whole hell of a lot to it, but it was a short, sweet promo that was obviously meant to kick off the action. I also gave Brunk "bonus points" for writing something that wasn't your standard Dan Ryan RP and still making it work. Going outside one's comfort zone and taking risks is something handlers should be given credit for.

Next was Larry Tact's reply. Here's the thing: Tact made some really good points and wrote solid dialogue. With that said, the RP suffered from overkill. For whatever reason, there were three separate fade-ins with Tact appearing at three locations. If you're going to write something like that, there should be some logic behind it. In this case, I felt like the scenery changed but Tact wasn't saying anything new. Really, he could have left it alone after the fire fade-out and been happy with his promo. I've seen this tendency in some of Tact's other RPs: he has a problem being concise. Tact is really good, but smoothening his delivery would make a him much better.

Ryan's next promo is the perfect example of what I'm talking about. Right away he picked up on Tact's overkill of a promo, and hit him on it. Not only that, but he made all his points with a slick delivery while making it an enjoyable read. Once again Tact replies solidly, but he just didn't do enough to counter Ryan. Here, the promo suffers from too much debate. What I mean is, Tact shouldn't feel obligated to answer every single point Ryan made. Remember, this isn't a forensics competition, it's a roleplay. Yes, you should answer what your opponent had to say, but create your own talking points. The problem with constant rebuttal is that you let your opponent dictate the "pace" of the thread, i.e. the back and forth exchange. I'd compare this to being a counter-puncher in boxing. If you're going to be a counter-puncher, you'd better have one hell of a counter. Against someone like Dan Ryan, it's not likely you're going to find many "GOTCHA!" moments in his dialogue. He's just one of those characters you have to bring the fight to. It really would have benefitted Tact's handler if he fired off the first RP instead of waiting for Ryan, but such is life.

After these intial four RPs, Brunk put up a postcard from Doc Silver emploring Tact to lose, which was pretty fucking funny. Tact replied in kind, but neither of these posts weighed heavily at all in my decision. Tact just couldn't get off of first, and Ryan successfully roped him into an exchange he couldn't win. Point, set, match.

You know, it's funny. Looking back at some past Dan Ryan threads, I've noticed a trend. Ok ok, BESIDES him always winning. His opponents all argue him the same exact way. After all, what do you say to somebody who has literally won EVERYTHING? Ummm, I dunno, how about something OTHER THAN his fucking titles?! Seriously, why would you bring up titles to Dan Ryan? There are only two ways you could bring this up: in mockery or praise. Mocking his titles is stupid, since nobody's gonna buy into it. Praising him is equally as stupid, because it makes you look small. Heels should have an easier time with Ryan, especially off-the-wall heels, because they can constantly change the subject while reverting into their eccentricity. They don't have to talk about titles, and if he calls them crazy well, duh, they're supposed to be fucking crazy. Entertaining eccentricity, I think, is the way to challenge a guy like Dan Ryan. I see him having more problems with a JTP, or a Nova than somebody more conventional. All I'm saying is, if one of my guys was facing Dan Ryan I'd go outside the box. Who knows, you might still lose, but at least he'll break a sweat beating you!

I Just Wanna Give a Shoutout to Mah Main Ni-
Ahem, I mean, homeboy...Castor Strife over in A1E. Yes, I'm referring to him as if he exists, because I feel as though I've put so much work into the character that he actually turned real. That's a pretty scary thought, actually. Anyway Castor, good luck in A1E, and hopefully you'll only go 0-9 before people feel comfortable voting for you, as opposed to 0-15! On a serious note, I'm really digging the competitive aspect of A1E right now.

Oh shit, sorry to interrupt, but that fucking Jimmy Johnson BetterTrades investment infomercial just came on! Come on Jim, you really need the money you fat sack of shit?

Anyway, back to A1E. Yeah, it's cool. ...for now. Ask me how I feel after my first loss!

New poll, vote on it!