Things You Don't See, Don't Wanna See, and Will Try Just See

Oh wow, my blog is back. Fuckin' celebrate!

More Things You Don't See in FW
Look, I think it's about time we admit it: every fantasy wrestling character is either Raven or Ric Flair. No no no, don't give me this shit about how original your ass is, because in your heart you know this to be true. You're either the troubled soul with an affinity for mind games, or you're the jet flyin', limousine ridin', put-on-my-sunglasses-and-do-a-gay-ass-strut...um...dude. But you know what I haven't seen? A Hulk Hogan. Where is the guy who loves his country, and is damn well prepared to utilize his moveset of 3 in defense of it? Why does nobody in FW have a leg drop finisher? Sure, we're all impressed that your guy can do a corkscrew powerbomb plancha reversed midair into an inverted Liger Canadian Destroyer...modified. But if your finisher is a LEG DROP?! Well, you've gotta think to yourself: that must be one hell of a leg drop.

Hey, I'll Try Anything Once
Pending activation of my account, I've decided to try my hand at A1E. "Really? Aren't you the guy who wrote a 10 page long diatribe on the evils of voting?" Yes, I did, but here's the thing...alright, there is no thing, I just wanna try it OK? Because in my heart of hearts, I'm arrogant enough to think that the masses' love of my roleplay will transcend the politics of voting, and I will be celebrated as the greatest nerd who ever typed. Yeah, so I'm bringing in my tag team called "Never(WOO!)More" featuring my interpretation of Raven and Ric Flair.

No, in actuality, I'm doing something far riskier and will be entering Castor V. Strife, my pride and joy, into A1 Entertainment. I never thought I'd ever bring him to a league outside of NFW, his home (LOL, "home." It's fucking fantasy wrestling, dipshit!), however, the idea of re-interpreting my character elsewhere kind of intrigues me. To be sure, the Castor of A1E would be somewhat different from the Castor of NFW. After all, why do the same thing twice?

My mentality going into the league is this: it is very likely, some might say probable, that people outside of FWC won't like the character and because they're not used to him, will in fact vote for his opponents. From what I hear, there is often a feeling out period for new characters where you're going to take it on the chin. Then, if you're good, people come to appreciate what you bring to the table and you eventually get somewhere. Look, I don't know much about the league, it's just what I've heard and I'm honestly cool with it. Either way, it'll be exciting to thrust my top character completely into the unknown. Gregg had the balls to do it with Troy Windham (one of the most prestigious characters in FW history) so why not, right?

I figure I'll write some off the wall promos, maybe it'll be something different from what people are used to, and have some fun in the process. And if I don't...I can always bribe people with money, sex, and/or drugs.

I Have a Dream...
...that one day, PROBLEM CHILD will be the CSWA Unified Champion! That's right, none of that Greensboro shit, or whatever they've got way down the ladder. No, fuck Greensboro, PC wants the real thing. I don't know what it is, but I always thought it'd be hysterical if PC, a character who openly admits to sucking, handled by a guy who Chad had to ban from the forums twice, won the CSWA Unified Title. Come on Brunk, let's work a Godbook. Hell, CSWA doesn't need to be operating to do this; it could happen in EPW! Problem Child vs. Dan Ryan (c)

Ahhhh SHIT! I forgot...Chad and Steve fucking copyrighted that shit. In fact, I could be sued just for saying their names. How fucking creepy is THAT? Hell, why do you think I never mention CSWA in my promos, other than it being completely out of place? Because of the embarrassment of being sued by a fictional wrestling organization. Imagine that shit getting on Judge Judy? "Sir...you WHAT? CS-WHAT? What is the CSWA? Oh, I see. And you WHAT? Photoshopped their Fish Fund logo?" You get the point: DON'T FUCK WITH THE CSWA. Hornet will wrap the letter of the law around his white knuckles and fistfuck you with it!

Embarrassing Stories From the Real World
No, not the reality show featuring a bunch of drunk strangers who are forced to live together and ACTUALLY hold down a real job...and some dude on steroids inevitably gets drunk and screams in an Asian girl's face while tears stream down her cheeks...and then they have sex about it. I'm talking about MY real world; my life! In fact, I promised Tom Siegel I would share an embarrassing story from my recent vacation to Hilton Head, SC in an attempt to soothe his shame resulting from Lindsay Troy (WARNING: Run-on sentence!) outing him as the guy who, I dunno, spiked some chick's Eggo Waffles with a roofie or something. Hey Tommy, next time you want to PUNK! Vivi, just stir her milkshake with your penis. Why not? I did it to some lady back when I worked at Ruby Tuesday.

Anyway, back to my embarrassing story. IT'S NOT HAPPENING! Sorry Tom, the story I had originally prepared for you, well, I thought twice about and decided would not be appropriate for this blog. God forbid certain people found this little diary of mine, the outcome would be none too pleasant. And yes, this is in light of me using 'Hornet' and 'fistfuck' in the same sentence. That ain't no big deal, feel me Hoss? But this other shit, eh, perhaps not. However...don't think you're coming away empty handed, because I've got a different story! Don't worry, it'll be quick.

When I was 13, I was jerking off and shot it into my own eye. Swear on my dog's life this happened. Normally I would have panicked, but coincidentally the night before I had been watching LoveLine and Dr. Drew actually told a guy whom this happened to that it was no big deal; just wash your eye out!

Happy now, Tommy? "Well, you had your story...and now you're gonna tell me they kill my son." Sorry, Godfather reference. I'm Italian, forgive me.

Done for now, blog will be consistently updated again