HOTM, UFC Picks, and Some TEAM Spirit!

And the Handler of the Month is...!
Nobody. 'Cause nobody fucking did anything this month. Shit, I posted three storyline RPs, I should win this thing. However, I shall abstain from "putting myself over" and just leave it at "nobody."

My UFC 98 Picks
This has nothing to do with fantasy wrestling (Thank God) but as some of you may know, I have been a huge fan of mixed martial arts since around the mid to late 90's. Pretty soon I might start up monthly PPV discussion threads on FWC, but I'm not sure how many FWers follow MMA. Before I get back to trashing FW, here are my picks for tonight's UFC 98 PPV:

Lyoto Machida (204) vs. Rashad Evans (205)- Expect both of these guys to be excellent condition tonight. Both fighters hail from arguably the two best camps in the world, so you know their preparation has been top notch for what is certainly the biggest fight in either man's career. Machida has been on a tear as of...his whole career, cause he's undefeated. He gets hit less than any other fighter in the UFC, and his akward karate style has yet to be solved. Evans is also undefeated with one draw (Tito Ortiz), and is one of the hardest hitters in the sport. Anyone who has seen his KOs of Sean Salmon and Chuck Liddell knows Evans can knock you out at any given time. He's quick, hard to hit, and evasive, just like his opponent. Both fighters are very similar in many aspects, however, Rashad has been in trouble in a number of matches whereas Machida has rarely been in trouble. In fact, if you look at how Rashad won the title, he was getting his ass handed to him by Forrest Griffin until he landed a takedown and TKO'd him via ground and pound OUT OF NOWHERE. It was a strange victory, but reinforced my opinion that Evans often lays back and gets careless during matches, does too much showboating, and turns on the heat when he's in trouble. This "strategy" has worked for him against fighters with somewhat reckless styles: Forrest Griffin, Chuck Liddell, Michael Bisping. And the one quality opponent he faced who wasn't reckless was Tito Ortiz, and the fight went to a draw. Machida is all business, and has been the hottest fighter in MMA lately. He must have weaknesses somewhere, but no one's been able to find any thus far. Since both men are evasive, this has snoozefest potential, I'm just warning you! I don't think it will be, but it's possible. To stay on the safe side, I have the fight going the full five rounds ending in Machida by Unanimous Decision. The title will change hands tonight!

Matt Serra (171) vs. Matt Hughes (170)- The only interesting aspect to this fight is the bad blood. If these guys didn't hate each other's guts, no one would give a flying shit about this matchup. Randy Couture seems to think Serra's going to pull off the upset, but I'm just not seeing it. I'm rooting for Serra, but I don't think he's going to win. Hughes may be past his prime, but his two big recent losses were against Thiago Alves and Georges St. Pierre, the two best welterweight fighters in the world. Aside from pulling the greatest upset in the history of the MMA by KOing GSP in 2007, Serra's never done anything of note in his MMA career. In the GSP rematch, Serra looked terrible as usual, proving the first match was the fluke most considered it to be. Hughes on the other hand is still a dangerous opponent. What this this comes down to is the fact that there's nothing Serra can do that Hughes can't nullify or do better himself. Serra's strength is his submission game, but Hughes has beaten much better grapplers. Serra might have a slight striking advantage, but it's not devastating on the level of an Alves or GSP. As much as I'd like to see my fellow Long Islander Serra to pull off the win, I'm afraid this one is Matt Hughes by Unanimous Decision.

Dan Miller (185) vs. Chael Sonnen (186)- Miller is a terrible matchup for Sonnen, who is used to having a size and reach advantage over all his opponents. Sonnen, who has also been susceptible to submissions, will be fighting a submissions expert who is equal to him in height/reach. Much different than fighting a 5'7 drugged out Paulo Filho, eh Sonnen? Sonnen has a good sprawl game, and has fought much better competition than has Miller, but I'm going to pick the underdog here and say Dan Miller by Submission, Round 2.

Sean Sherk (156) vs. Frankie Edgar (155)- This comes down to a guy who should be fighting at 170 (Sherk) versus a guy who should be fighting at 145 (Edgar). Both men are skilled wrestlers who normally hold their opponents down en route to decision victories, but Sherk has the ability to outmuscle Edgar. Edgar ran into similar troubles against Gray Maynard, who proved just too strong for him. Sherk is more powerful than Maynard and a better all around fighter, so what does that tell you? Sean Sherk by Unanimous Decision.

Drew McFedries (185) vs. Xavier Foupa-Pokam (186)- Both men have incredible physiques, moreso Pokam, and both hit HARD, moreso McFedries who is known for his devastating punching power. Pokam is more of a kickboxer, but very dangerous himself. If both men stay in the pocket and exchange wild strikes, then the match favors McFedries. However, if the match does go to the ground Pokam enjoys a slight advantage, and he is the more well-rounded striker. Basically, if Pokam fights smart, he'll win. I don't see this going past the first round, in all honesty. It's a crapshoot, but I'm going with Xavier Foupa-Pokam by TKO, Round 1.

You Just Can't Tell Women Anything!
So I told my girlfriend that I RP a gay porn director, and she got all weirded out like "Uh, that's a little weird Billy." What? I don't watch gay porn, I just roleplay a guy who films it. What's wrong with that? You already snooped around my computer and found my porn folder; was there a single cock in sight? No, I don't think so! So don't judge me, goddamn it! And if it makes her feel any better, Castor does film lesbians and trannies. That makes the whole thing slightly less gay, right?

Go TEAM!
No, seriously...hurry the fuck up judges, Problem Child's not getting any younger! By the time the finals approach, the two remaining characters will have to be retconned back from the nursing home to do battle for the TIT trophy.

Judges, I Apologize
I just realized, it's probably not a good idea to curse out the judges prior to the second round. Honestly, I'd like to win this tournament and/or go far, and I'd like to say on behalf of all the other competitors that we appreciate your hard work. Thank you for taking the time out of your no-doubt busy schedules to judge our fantasy wrestling matches.

No, Fuck Them! They Need to Judge That Shit Pronto!
How hard is it to judge? It takes three minutes to read the RPs, two minutes to think about it, and one minute to e-mail Shinder and say "Chris Machine Daniels over everybody." That is, unless you're judging Impulse vs. Stark, in which case you'd have an easier time reading The Great Gatsby and writing a lit review thereafter.

Dude, Don't Be Like That
In all seriousness, I do appreciate the fact that people volunteer their time to read our RPs and make a judgement. Guys, the matches will be judged when they're judged, and let's all just have a good time on the forums as we await the result.

No, no, no...You Judge My Match, and You Do It Right Fucking Now
I don't care if the mafia lit your house on fire and incinerated your whole fucking family. You get off your ass, or rather you sit down on your ass at the computer, and I don't care how painful it is...YOU JUDGE AND YOU JUDGE NOW!!!!!!

...

Ok, so I'd like to congratulate Jared Wells on his victory over Problem Child via hitting his finisher on a steel chair 10 seconds into the match and then wrapping it up with a quick armbar submission.

That's all I have for today, watch UFC 98 and leave some damn comments.