(Hi I'm back) Money Shot Top 20

Good evening, I have returned.

It's 6am, no sleep, delirious, unshaven...I'm prime for some fantasy wrestling. The more fucked the sleep schedule, the more enlightened I become. The more enlightened, the more time I waste. More time I waste, more time is devoted to FW, and to this blog. This is Spring Break- I should be in Cancun sharing herpes with teenagers at an MTV-sponsored Ludacris concert.

I want to punch beachballs at fake tits, get drunk off cheap booze that taste great cause it's free cause it's all-inclusive. You know I once begged not to be kicked off a resort in the Dominican Republic?

Yeah, I got shit-faced and tossed a plate of mac 'n cheese in the pool, 'cause it tasted like shit and I was pissed they served it. White trash all the way, baby. That same night, I ripped my shirt off on the dance floor and started swiping afros off the resort dancers. Don't believe me? Fuck you, here's a picture:

Check out the face on the guy with the green shirt. Hahaha, that's right motherfucker! I DO shit like this! I have...no shame.

What brings me back to this blog, you ask? Why, the Money Shot FWC Top 20 of course!

Money Shot TOP 20 FWC (03/31/10)

"Golden Five"
1. Joe The Plumber (NFW)
2. 'Triple X' Sean Stevens (EPW/NFW)
3. The First (EPW)
4. Impulse (NFW/NLW)
5. Shawn Hart (EPW/NFW/NEW/NGEN)
"Top 10"
6. Dan Ryan (NFW/CSWA)
7. High Flyer (NFW/EPW/CSWA)
8. Fusenshoff (EPW)
9. Dorchester Stratton (NFW)
10. Anarky (EPW)
"Fuck the rest of you guys"
11. Cameron Cruise (EPW/NFW/NEW/NGEN/CSWA)
12. Steve Knox (NFW)
13. Teresa Quaranta (NFW)
14. Stalker (EPW)
15. Rook Black (NFW)
16. Doc Curiosity (NFW)
17. Magnus Destructo (NLW)

18. Jared Wells (EPW/NGEN)
19. Captain Justice (NFW)
20. Erik Black (EPW/NGEN/NEW)

NOTES: Ok, I know what you're thinking. "WTF?? DAN FUCKIN' RYAN?! THE FUCK DID HE COME FROM?!" He came from the main event of Crash 50, that's where. If you haven't read Crash 50 yet (do so, it's great), then you wouldn't be aware that Dan Ryan, our resident unbeatable legend, has indeed returned to go after current unbeatable legend JTP. Danny boy is one of those guys I listed as on hiatus on my last rankings, and I said something about "If Dan Ryan, Nova, Ice Tre, Lindsay, etc. ever came back, they'd factor into the rankings." Well, he's back, and he factors. To be honest, #6 was a gift just for coming back, based on what he's done previously. I expect that once Daniel gets back into the swing of things, he'll easily make top 5. Sorry, he's Dan Ryan, that's how it goes. I'm not trying to suck his dick or anything, just saying...I'm not ranking him below the fuckin' Stalker just 'cause he took off for a while.

-"Well why not Hornet then HUH?" Because Hornet came back for a one shot deal, that's why. You also might notice the disappearance of Felix Red- he's on hiatus. Another thing that sticks out like an eye sore: a big spike in NFW representatives. Sorry, everyone and their grandmother decided to join NFW after Crash 50, not my fault. FWC is becoming more incestuous all the time, with champions and contenders spreading themselves thin over a multitude of leagues. Sean Stevens is no longer an EPW exclusive, nor is High Flyer property of just NFW. At this point, there's no use trying to balance out the number of representatives from each league.

-The most unique rosters belong to NLW, IL, and SWIFT. I ranked members of my own league but not theirs, and here's why. NLW just crowned it's "King of All Monsters" which is a very important distinction at this point in time. Magnus (#17) is the King. When IL starts doling out honors, I'll rank somebody. When SWIFT grows a little bigger, I'll rank their champions (Marx came very close to making #20). There's also the fact that I just plain like Magnus better than any of their guys. Sorry, it's a subjective list.

-Rocko Daymon may be A1E champ, but Strawsma took a giant shit down the gullet of his FWC career. Rocko's gone; welcome Erik Black and Magnus.

-JTP is clearly the man, after defeating a field that included Stevens, Hornet, Felix, and Knox. Not only will someone have to beat him to make #1, but they'll have to be important contributors. By that I mean, if Katz got silly and decided to job him out to Varga (he wouldn't, I'm just sayin'), Varga would not make #1. Sean Stevens, however, would. Remember, this is not based solely on titles, wins, or any other quantitative measure. You need to contribute to league storyline, and you know...do the work.

-Rook's the NFW National Champ, Doc Curiosity is his greatest threat, but like...neither of them do anything. The last RP I saw from Rook was Summer 2009 in the Crash 49 thread- almost a year ago. I like the character, and he's a champ, but you sorta need a pulse to stay on the list. Doc does slightly more, and I actually like him better than Rook, but he came up short at Crash 50. Sorry brother, I woulda booked you the title, but that's above my imaginary pay grade!

-Dorchester made a huge jump, due to how much I like him, and the fact that he just beat Wildstar. Yeah, it's Gregg defeating himself, but who cares? It's all fantasy anyway.

-Once again, I don't rank my own characters, but if I had to...Layne and Castor would be somewhere in the mid-range. You can place them if ya like, I don't give a rat's ass.